The Stupid Wall

Senior year in college, we created The Stupid Wall, which was a bulletin board covered in colorful sheets of paper. On said pieces of paper, we wrote down all the stupid things apartment members and friends said and did. Good times.

The Stupid Wall

Kim: “I’m a vampire on Wendesdays.”

Aaron: “If I did half the things I think about, I’d be the world’s biggest asshole.”

Julian: “It’ll take more than kimchee, bitch!”

Kim (to Tim): “Haven’t you left yet?”

Tim: “Your house is like a black hole.”

Julian: “He trained me to say ‘Shut up fuck you bitch!'”

Mike: “The only reason I wear a shirt is because– wait, why do I wear a shirt?”

Julian: “…And he took me by the thighs.”

Eugena: “Screw the Amethyst Initiative. Let’s ban cigarettes!”

Aaron: misspelled his name in an email to his parents.

Eugena: went to a meeting a week early, and went to the wrong room.

Eugena: wrote the same address on the sender and reciever of an envelope.

Tim: *tries to open locked door*
Amanda: “You have to unlock it.”
Tim: *tries to open locked door*
Apartment: *silence*

Dinner party at Miyake: *in-depth convo about boy bands (10 min)*
Mike: “Oh hey, did you know BSB is playing now?”
Dinner party: *stares*

Julian: “It’s not that I couldn’t find your house… you know there’s another 301 across the street? There’s a big sign.”
Eugena: “That’s 312, idiot.”
Julian: “Oh.”

Julian: (eating fried ice cream at Vietnam) “Omg, the inside is cold!” (repeats 5x)
2 months later “I just can’t get over it.”

Mike: “Julian, want some sausages?”
Julian: (in odd tone) “S’ok, I already had one this morning.”

Mike (groggily): “Did everyone fill out a Scantron for the bathroom?”

Julian (to Eugena): “She-woman… I mean, She-devil!”

Cornell Daily Sun: “Nina Shin, grad, and Tim CHURY surf the internet in Duffield hall yesterday.” (9/26/08)

Hanpin: “My mom told me, ‘when the phone rings, you answer it!'” *answers ringing phone marked “No Incoming Calls” in Cafe Pacific*

Julian: “There’s a clear delineation between clown music and clown rape music.”

Julian: “Potatoes store a lot of energy. They can spontaneously combust in silos.”
*5 mins later*
Julian: “Oh wait.”
Eugena: “How did you go from potatoes to saw dust explosions?”
Julian: “I mixed up explosions with how fast they spoil.”

Geoff: “There are no cops in math.”

Geoff: *points to Koko’s* “Wasn’t that restaurant called Kikos last year?”

Amanda (during Tarzan): “I wanna buy a kid and return it when it’s 7 or so.”

Julian: “What the hell is your sock doing in your fridge?!?”

Mike: “…and we can listen to Backstreet Boys and summer music…”
Fola: “woa, you lost me.”

Aaron (after Kim saves his life by stopping the board from falling on his head): “The stupid wall woulda been on ME for once!”

Julian (during Monopoly, to Amanda): “Dude, you need to start watching some gay porn.”

Eugena: “I don’t see the point of being athletic. It’s just ridiculous.”

Mike: “Did you judge that by just looking at his hands?”

Julian: “Why do people make fun of “y’all”? It’s the most efficient word ever.”

Michael: “MY CS skills have failed me. I can’t even hack Zoombinis…”

Michael: “We got a match-flavored candle.”
Amanda: “Flavored?”
(10 mins later)
Amanda: “Wait, what flavor candle is it?”

Giving Julian relationship advice:
Mike: “1st rule is to show her that Korean karaoke voice power.”
Tim: “2nd rule is don’t make the bongo joke*.”

*Bongo joke:
Mike (bongo-ing the rock band drums): “Super-bongo desune!”
Julian: “Do you wanna bongo me?”

Eugena: “When my nose hairs freeze, it’s time.”

Cellist Adrian: “This is so satisfying. Is this why Canadians curl?”

Kim: “That wedding was like, Theme: Douchebag!”

Aaron: “Everyone’s the same height to me: tall.”

Amanda: “WAYNE KIM.”
Kim: “What?”

Vance: “I’m sick of helping now.”

Julian: “You’re MY little dumpling.”

Julian: “I though it was a girl but it was just an alarm clock.”

Mike: “I’m like the personality sponge.”

Adrian: “Is this the Julian wall?”

Mike: “I find it helps if you think you’re a rockstar.”

Wayne: “So if I do dis and then I do dat and then I do dat, well then I’m fucked.”

Adrian: *answers the phone* “Yello?”
Mike: “Red.”
Kim: “Orange.”
Eugena: “Green.”
Mike: “Blue.”
Wayne: “Purple… wait, why are we saying colors?”

Mike: “How are you going to win the lottery?”
Wayne: “Don’t worry about it. I already won. I just have to wait for them to say the numbers.”

Alex: “What’s wrong with having two in your mouth?”

Alex: “If I just need to get them done in 2 minutes, I take them like 8 at a time.”

(has perfect pitch): “This is kinda gross, but I was peeing this morning and was like ‘Hmm… totally sounds like a B flat.'”

Eugena: “I just hope that I’ll see him tie his shoes so I can kick him down in the street.”

Eugena: “Kim, did you say you wanted to take cardio kickboxing with me?”
Kim (flat-out): “No.”

Eugena’s Law Prof: “Your ECON 101 Professor would be sad.”

XBOX Rockband 2: “The name ‘genasamuraiiii’ is not what most would describe as ‘classy.'”

Aaron: “You sound like [blank].”
Julian: “Ohhh, not that ugly ho-bitch!”

Julian: “I’m gonna frickin’ stomp your ass!”

Julian: “I’m gonna stuff you in a bottle.”

Wayne: “Shut up, you FACE!”

The Elevator Wall

Korean boy from 2nd floor: “I was thinking about asking the girls.”
Horny K-boy from 2nd floor: “Ooh, I wanna get in on that!”
K-boy from 2nd floor: “NO! I meant they can live there when we’re not there.” (in elevator)

Drunk 3G Girl #1: “Eating makes you fat, drinking makes you drunk.”
Drunk 3G Girl #2: “I just wanna drink!” (in elevator)

Inebriated Guy on CTB patio (yells to cleavage girl): “It’s silent Bob!” (x2)
Cleavage Girl: “Okay…”

Guy in stairwell: “Just because your MySpace isn’t 100% devoted to Venezuela…”

Stupid Engineer: “He’s ALWAYS 20% late to class!:
SE’s friend: “It’s a 50-minute class.”
Stupid Engineer: “Yes! He’s ALWAYS 20% late to class, and the class is already 20% late!”

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